Episode Four – The Excuse
You see, there is this crazy street I’ve been going to. Not that it had craze people in it. But it’s that street that I see a woman smoking (barbecuing) buns to sell. Yes buns!!! And it is known for a story of a man who after staking a bet with his house rent and lost it last year, really urinated on the street’s transformer near the bet shop. Well, let’s say he got shocked that it made his soul follow the urine out. And I heard he wasn’t the first to attempt this feat!
Anyways, I’ve been going there to meet this new fine girl in class who requested of me to be coming over to her house to help with her math’s studies. (Yea, your boy is a-goodie in math). My guys in class were like, “she likes you”, “she wants your banana”, “after you do math in book, you’ll do math in bed”. Crazy and spoilt lot. But they could be right you know, I see the way she looks at me in class.
So I kept going there every day to help her in her math and she was always home alone. And hoping that something may eschew, I went with a wrap condom I’d stolen from Richie’s pack but nothing besides hugs ever happened between us. What am I? A doll?
But one faithful day, I’d run out of clean boxers and had no other option than to wear a “tear-tear” (torn) boxer (underwear) with my clothes to go to her house. I didn’t delay as usual with the tutoring because she didn’t seem into it and I was so uncomfortable in the boxer. Finished, I walked to the door.
Sarah: Martins, wait. (She walked over to meet me.)
Sarah: Do you like me?
Me: Em, yes.
Sarah: I like you too. That’s why I asked you to be coming over to help me with math so I can … I can… seduce you.
Oh-oh! Na now day break?
Sarah: Yes. Are you offended?
Abeg, na which normal guy will be offended?
Me: Oh no! On the contrary. I’m flattered. I was even trying to put out signs to know.
Sarah: Well, sorry about the past few days. I was on my period. So I couldn’t you know, respond to your signs. But it’s over now. Don’t go yet, let’s make love.
Before I know it, she kissed me and went for my belt to unbuckle it.
Eehee! With this “tear-tear” boxer?
That’s not something I wanted her to see. So I had to act fast to prevent it. And then I panickly blurted out the first excuse that came to my mind.
Me: I’m on my period.
What?! If it works for them ladies, shouldn’t it work for we guys as well?
When I got home, I quickly washed and ensured all my boxers got dry before the following day. I dressed up and headed over to her house for my freebie, only to find Richie slippers in her doorstep.
I peeked through the window of her room and he was doing what I’d gone there to do. I nearly cried. That dog!!! That stolen condom must have given me away. He would have figured I took it because I was seeing a girl who I was hoping to screw. I just left angrily.
On my way, I couldn’t resist the thought of urinating in the transformer like that man had done. I felt him pain. So I just walked to it, zipped down and… What? Do you think I would urinate on a transformer? If I did, will I be able to update you? You peeps like gist too much.
Anyway, guys if you ever manage to find yourself in an awkward situation such as the one I found myself, feel free to use my excuse. It works!!!
Until next week.