Episode Six — Pad Tales (Season Finale)
Hiya peeps! Welcome to another saturday, the last Saturday of the month if I might add, and today, we’ll be wrapping up season one of Martins Diaries. It hasn’t been easy.
If you’re eating, please cut small for me. Winks If it’s a fat loss related food, I don’t want. I don’t have fat to loss. Some people will be eating grass because they want to lose fat. Grass!
Abeg if you are fat, don’t punish yourself eating grass. To fat is not a bad thing, it’s a good thing, slimfit people like us needs you. At least, if we find ourselves before a hungry lion, you will buy us time to run, because you guys will look like buffet while we’ll look like dessert or even toothpick… What am I even saying!
Anyways, as I was saying earlier, if you are eating, you may want to finish eating first before reading this.
Mr casanova (Richie) pulled a funny one recently. After school, he followed a soldier’s daughter to her house. He was screwing her when the man drove in. Richie panickly grabbed her boxers instead of his own, plunged it into his schoolbag and scurried away before her father could catch them.
While the guy was narrating the incident to us in our bedroom, to his surprise, he pulled out her boxers from his bag and from it fell her dirty panty and a bloody sanitary pad! If you see the way Richie jumped and shrieked as if the pad was a ghost or huge sh*t.
I guess she must have unclad herself.
We just couldn’t stop laughing and mocking him.
Isaac: Richie, you didn’t tell us you were on your period.
Kelvin: No wonder he was acting moody and cranky this morning.
Pastor Friyo: This your pad, is it the “heavy flow” type? I want to buy the next one for you.
Bro Samson: Hope you are using calender to check your cycle?
Juliet: His cycle suppose sync with my own. After all we are twin siblings.
This reminded me of Miss Cynthia. She was a corp member posted to teach at our school some terms back. We normally observe recreational activities in school every Friday and it was required that all teachers participated and all female teachers put on trousers. That way, some THINGS meant to be hidden wouldn’t get exposed. But Miss Cynthia wouldn’t abide by the trouser-rule. She kept on wearing skirts to school claiming that in her church, it was a sin for females to wear trousers.
While the proprietor didn’t seem to mind, the strict proprietress saw it as a rebellion, one that if not properly dealt with, other teachers might soon emulate. So one faithful Friday, she came to supervise the recreational activities for that day.
She saw miss Cynthia not wearing trousers as usual. Pissed, she felt this was the right opportunity to put her in her place.
Proprietress: Please miss Cynthia. Come over to this mat and demonstrate to the students how to tumble.
She awkwardly walked to the mat.
Proprietress: Hello students, please stop whatever you’re doing and observe miss Cynthia do the “tumble”. Carry on Miss Cynthia.
Miss Cynthia bent low to press her hands on the edge of the mat. Then she flipped. Upon all the Jet Li and Jackie Chan she applied, not only did her catapult panty show, someTHING stained with blood inside it flashed. It was her pad!
Ewoo! What a gruesome sight and embarrassment. One junior class boy even passed out!
Later that day, I was passing by the proprietor’s office and could hear him and his wife pleading with Miss Cynthia.
Proprietress: Please I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you like that. I didn’t know that you wore your sanitary pad. I wouldn’t have…
For what it’s worth, I do think she should have sued the Proprietress. But she forgave her and kept on teaching regardless of the public embarrassment. Bold lady! But from that day, she started wearing trousers to school every Friday. I guess in her mind, the Proprietress would be like “I put her in her place afterall”.
It’s a sin to wear trousers but it’s not a sin to wear catapult pant (g-string)?
But wait oh, who actually wears pad inside catapult pant sef? Who writes these stuffs! Some people can create oh, in the name of comedy. I carry hand for them. SMH.
We hope to see you in the next season.