Martins Diaries 1: Episode Three2 mins read

Episode Three – Pastor Friyo Divine Inspiration

So one morning, I wanted to head out and as I was passing by, I heard some moaning and groaning. And guess what? It was pastor Friyo watching porn on his phone! Can you imagine?

Me: What’s that? Is that porn?

Pastor Friyo : What? It’s nothing. I’m just receiving divine inspiration.

See his mouth like Divine inspiration. It must be divine inspiration from the devil.

And funny enough, this was the same guy whose voice woke us up by 4 am that morning. He was supposedly praying for a church member.

Pastor Friyo: (over phone) How’s the fasting going? Yes! I’ve been fasting with you. Yes. For the full one week.

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Which mumu fast? This guy has been swallowing big big eba and choping (eating) three square meals wella for the past seven days oh. So where was he fasting with her? In his dreams?

Pastor Friyo: Close your eyes. Let me pray for you. I say your marriage must happen this year. Any obstacle that the enemy has planted to stop you from getting the man you’ll marry. I say it shall not be uprooted!

What?! Like seriously?

And the idiot he’s praying for will say Amen.

Pastor Friyo: I prophesy that before November this year, your marriage cow shall kill you, in Jesus name. Em, sister sister Edith. Are you still there? This network sef.

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Somebody should please tell that aboki that the lady hung up and not a network problem. If we can hear him loud and clear in our room, then no network can knock his call out.

Pastor Friyo: Hello sister Edith. The network disconnected us. Wait, let me turn on the loudspeaker.

Edith (over phone): Pastor? God punish you and your generation. It’s you that marriage cow will kill, you hear, not me!

Pastor Friyo: What? I didn’t say that.

Edith: Pastor Friyo. Don’t call my line again. Fvck you.

Men nothing like free comedy in the early morning. We were just laughing in the room. We could even hear brother Samson mocking and laughing the guy in their room.

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Maybe it’s those last words from sister Edith “Fvck you” that directed him to sought after, in his own words, “Divine inspiration“. Well that’s another church member lost.

***

BTW, guys, don’t get paranoid when a girl tells you fvck you. Simply ask her “Where and when? What style?” But if a fellow guy tells you so, scream 14 years!!! I’m not gay!!!. Same to you ladies. Let’s make way for peace.

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