Martins Diaries 1: Episode Two5 mins read

Episode Two – Sisi Juliet’s Beans Delicacy

It all started on Thursday morning when we saw only Juliet cooking in the kitchen.

Me: What are you doing?

Juliet: Cooking beans for lunch. Gift followed momsi and sister Rita went out. So I’ve to do the cooking.

Me: What?

Juliet: Don’t worry, you guys will enjoy my food. You will even lick your fingers and toenails.

Me: Nooooooo!!!

Juliet may be smart and very beautiful, but when it comes to cooking, she gets a colorful F9. I remember when momsi first told her to cook, men until now, momsi haven’t given her the task to cook for the house again. The only thing she manages to prepare well is noodles and hot water.

Momsi had instructed her after that day to always be in the kitchen whenever food was been prepared. But rather than learn how to cook, she’ll will spend time pinging and chatting right there in the kitchen. Anyway, let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. She probably did learn something, right?

When it was time, lunch was served. It didn’t look abnormal and Juliet was beaming at her achievement. But that didn’t stop Kelvin from refusing to eat of the food. He just didn’t trust it. Richie had stuck around for lunch, probably to commend and support his twin sister, after which he bounced off immediately for his rendezvous. So far the food tasted funny but okay. I guess it wasn’t that bad afterall or so we thought.

But 30 minutes later, my stomach started to play a strange tune. But I wasn’t alone. All of us that ate the beans were also having the funny experience. It felt like an alien invasion.

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Then the rumbling stomach gave way for the next act for the show — Hot smelly Farts! Yep, we were farting so bad that the house was stuffy almost immediately.

Isaac: What did you put in the beans?

Juliet: Just the ingredients. I put in Gin, half dozen of eggs, four cubes of maggi, a cup of flour, garlic, oil some curry and thyme.

Me: In beans? What were you trying to make? An atomic bomb?

Somebody need to tell this girl, there’s more to life than pinging and chatting.

We would have given Juliet a piece of our mind but even she was tormenting. She was so shaky whenever she farted. The poor thing was scared of her own mess!

Well that plus the fact that we had to become regular visitors of the toilet for what was coming next. It was a painful experience. We just kept going back every 5 minutes to make a huge deposit that I just couldn’t help wonder if that so much was from the little beans we ate. Couldn’t the little devils just go alone and in peace. Must they raid and take every food in our body along?

The smell of the house was soon so pungent that rather than attract houseflies, it would drive them away. I even saw one rat trying to run away. The poor thing just pinned it’s nose and was acting confused at the back door. So I opened the door and gbam! the guy scrammed.

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Just three trips to the toilet and Juliet was already crying. Well we were too occupied to sympathize with her.

That day, I realized that you can’t mess or drop a sh*t and smile at the same time. Your face must squeeze (frown). You can try it for yourself and see!.

The only persons who wasn’t suffering from this torment was Kelvin and surprisingly Granny because she had eaten of the beans. Even pastor Friyo wasn’t left out. The guy just locked himself in the room.

Pastor Friyo: You evil spirit from the devil tormenting my body, I command you out!

Well they will definitely come out. All he needed to do is open his yansh. And he might want to make that “spirits” because they are more than one.

I was more concerned about Richie. The guy had left immediately after lunch. If this storm hit him wherever he was, well let’s just hope he was ready. Few minutes later, the guy scurried into the house. He just ran to the toilet in our room to relieve himself, but Destiny was already there.

Richie: No! Be fast! I need to sh*t now! Mommy!

The poor thing nearly broke into tears. Destiny fast before this guy release whatever he is holding into his pants.

Turned out the guy was about to screw a girl in a motel when he started experiencing his episode. He had to rush into the unhygienic toilet in the room farting and excreting so loud that by the time he came out, the girl had scrammed. She must have felt an earthquake a-coming. So he had to take his chances of heading home. Bad luck dude.

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Men the rate at which we used the toilet, they’d probably go on strike if it was possible. I’m sure they must have cursed us plentiful. Well it’s “sisi Juliet beans delicacy” (that’s what she tagged it when she d.p’d the food photo) that’s to blame. She had comments like “keep my own”, “wow looks delicious”, “hope you will keep my share”, “lemme go and bring my plate”, etc. Well can’t blame them. If only they knew the beans was a weapon of mass destruction, they wouldn’t be salivating for it.

While things began to cool down for us, we heard grandma scream. We all rushed into her room.

Kelvin: Granny, what happened?

Grandma: My stomach o! It hurts!

She was rubbing and pressing it. Look the suffering Juliet had to make her pass through. She must’ve been asleep. Then, she farted.

Boooooom!

We had to run for our lives. The fart was so loud, long and so stinky. Worse of it, it came out from both her rear and attic. I guess Juliet got her atomic bomb afterall.

If you enjoyed today’s episode, well do me a favor of sharing with your friends by hitting those share buttons and commenting like your life depended on it.

Gotta go now.
Until next week Saturday.
Toodles.

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