Episode Three — Brother Samson: My Hero
There is always some point in time when you depend on your older sibling to step up and defend you from harm from outsiders. And I’ve had a fair share of mine with my big brother Samson.
You see there was one morning I went for an errand. On returning, I passed by a field where some “agberros” (goons) sat and I looked at them with disdain. Well, they were staring at me and I didn’t like it.
Goon 1: You cannot greet? Or do we look like your mate?
Me: (hisses) What? My mate is far better than idiots like you. I’ll rather greet goat than greet you.
Goon 2: Na we you dey talk to like that? See this small rat o!
Me: You are the ones that are small rats, in fact, church rats!
Goon 2: Ee, We go kill you today!
Ok, wherever did those cutlasses come from?
Well I had to bolt away while the three pissed goons chased me with cutlasses in their hands. I didn’t even notice the cutlasses on the ground. I wouldn’t have spoken to them.
Men! I was scared. It’s not good to be troublesome oh. The guys didn’t give up. They chased me like cats after rat. Well, Goon 2 did call me a rat. The goons were too close that I couldn’t spare time to close the gate. I just bolted into the compound hoping they wouldn’t enter, but they entered oh. Luckily brother Samson was just coming out of the home. So I quickly ran to his back for protection.
Me: (panting) Brother Samson. Help me. They want to kill me.
Samson: What? Who?
The guys just bounced into the compound.
Goon 1: Where is he? We must kill that rat today.
Samson: Stop there! Which rat?
Ok, I think I shouldn’t have dragged my big brother into this. Now, they are obviously going to kill both of us.
Samson: What is the meaning of this? You think you can just barge in here? I’m talking to you!
In my mind, I was like “Brother, shhh. Keep quiet. Don’t make things any worse. Can’t you see the weapons they wielded?” I wonder why he couldn’t read my mind. Oooh, He’s gonna get it.
Wait, did goon 1 just flinch?
Goon 1: Bros, it’s you? Aaah, We didn’t know. Sorry oh.
Samson: So you want to kill my brother?
Goon 2: Bro-Brother? He’s your brother? Ah! We didn’t know. (Turning to his fellows) Did you know?
Goon 1 and 3: No ooo!
Samson: You even carry cutlass to hurt him?
Goon 2: Aaah, no ooo! We didn’t hurt him o. We were just playing with him oh.
Playing?! Playing?!! He called that playing?
Samson: Kneel down there.
Ok, I had to rub my eyes to be sure I was not dreaming.
Goon 1: Bros, abeg nor vex.
Samson: Don’t let this repeat itself. Do you hear me?
The Goons: Yes sir.
Samson: Now before I close and open my eyes, get out of here!
If you see the way they ran out! I couldn’t believe my eyes. The whole thing shock me.
You know this was not the first time brother Samson had saved me. There was also one time when this girl nearly beat me… Oh wait! I shouldn’t be telling that.
Brother Samson, My hero! I know right?
Samson: You like getting yourself into trouble. You better stop doing that.
Me: Well they….
Samson: I don’t care! Just get inside.
WTF! If I smash his big head. Don’t mind me, I just can’t help myself. I’ve got a knack, nay PhD, for trouble making.
Until next week.