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Episode Three — Brother Samson: My Hero
There is always some point in time when you depend on your older sibling to step up and defend you from harm from outsiders. And I’ve had a fair share of mine with my big brother Samson.
You see there was one morning I went for an errand. On returning, I passed by a field where some “agberros” (goons) sat and I looked at them with disdain. Well, they were staring at me and I didn’t like it.
Goon 1: You cannot greet? Or do we look like your mate?
Me: (hisses) What? My mate is far better than idiots like you. I’ll rather greet goat than greet you.
Goon 2: Na we you dey talk to like that? See this small rat o!
Me: You are the ones that are small rats, in fact, church rats!
Goon 2: Ee, We go kill you today!
Ok, wherever did those cutlasses come from?
Well I had to bolt away while the three pissed goons chased me with cutlasses in their hands. I didn’t even notice the cutlasses on the ground. I wouldn’t have spoken to them.
Men! I was scared. It’s not good to be troublesome oh. The guys didn’t give up. They chased me like cats after rat. Well, Goon 2 did call me a rat. The goons were too close that I couldn’t spare time to close the gate. I just bolted into the compound hoping they wouldn’t enter, but they entered oh. Luckily brother Samson was just coming out of the home. So I quickly ran to his back for protection.
Me: (panting) Brother Samson. Help me. They want to kill me.
Samson: What? Who?
The guys just bounced into the compound.
Goon 1: Where is he? We must kill that rat today.
Samson: Stop there! Which rat?
Ok, I think I shouldn’t have dragged my big brother into this. Now, they are obviously going to kill both of us.
Samson: What is the meaning of this? You think you can just barge in here? I’m talking to you!
In my mind, I was like “Brother, shhh. Keep quiet. Don’t make things any worse. Can’t you see the weapons they wielded?” I wonder why he couldn’t read my mind. Oooh, He’s gonna get it.
Wait, did goon 1 just flinch?
Goon 1: Bros, it’s you? Aaah, We didn’t know. Sorry oh.
Samson: So you want to kill my brother?
Goon 2: Bro-Brother? He’s your brother? Ah! We didn’t know. (Turning to his fellows) Did you know?
Goon 1 and 3: No ooo!
Samson: You even carry cutlass to hurt him?
Goon 2: Aaah, no ooo! We didn’t hurt him o. We were just playing with him oh.
Playing?! Playing?!! He called that playing?
Samson: Kneel down there.
They kneeled!
Ok, I had to rub my eyes to be sure I was not dreaming.
Goon 1: Bros, abeg nor vex.
Samson: Don’t let this repeat itself. Do you hear me?
The Goons: Yes sir.
Samson: Now before I close and open my eyes, get out of here!
If you see the way they ran out! I couldn’t believe my eyes. The whole thing shock me.
*****
You know this was not the first time brother Samson had saved me. There was also one time when this girl nearly beat me… Oh wait! I shouldn’t be telling that.
Brother Samson, My hero! I know right?
Samson: You like getting yourself into trouble. You better stop doing that.
Me: Well they….
Samson: I don’t care! Just get inside.
WTF! If I smash his big head. Don’t mind me, I just can’t help myself. I’ve got a knack, nay PhD, for trouble making.
Until next week.
Toodles.
