Hiya peeps, it’s Saturday again! Sorry for late update, it’s been a busy day. Anyways let’s go.
Episode Two — Pad Tales
So while we were in the sitting room watching a cable program on the LED H8000 Series Curved Smart TV, Gift and Juliet came in arguing. Yeah, one thing we love about popsi is that the guy is a man of taste, one who spends on high quality stuffs and I believe you know the wonders that television can perform?
Juliet: Why did you use my pad?
Gift: Mine was finished.
Juliet: That was what you said the other time. Why didn’t you buy another?
Gift: I didn’t have money and it couldn’t wait.
Juliet: So what would you have done if I didn’t have any?
Gift: Maybe use tissue.
Juliet: This should be the last time you use my pad. Are you the one buying it for me? Did I give you permission to wear mine? Or to period on it?
This conversation is not the type any normal guy would fancy to stay behind and listen. We had to exit the sitting room and head over to our room. At least we could still watch the program although on a smaller screen.
Kelvin: I think they’re faking it. It’s just an act we’ve been falling for.
Me: What is?
Kelvin: Gift and Juliet pad quarrel. They practically do this every weekend. Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t females suppose to observe this thing once a month? So why is Gift’s different?
Me: Maybe because she’s a gorilla?
Kelvin: And they stop arguing immediately after we leave.
Isaac: That’s true. Then they start watching that “Clinic Matters”.
Me: WTF! They’ve been jonxing us, a whole AmazingTrios, so we would stop watching the television in the sitting room for them to take over to watch that stupid program!
Isaac: Well played.
Me: What are we waiting for? Let’s go back!
Kelvin: No. let them have this one. Next time, here’s what we’ll do.
And Kelvin shared his fantastic plan with us.
Funny enough, the following weekend, they pulled their act again. But this time, we were ready for them.
Me: What again?
Juliet: You guys, can you imagine? Last time, Gift used my pad and I warned her not to use it. Today, she has used my pad again.
Isaac: Pad? When did you get an iPad.
Juliet: Not iPad. I’m talking about my sanitary pad.
Me: Oh! You mean she wore yours?
Juliet: Yes! Can you imagine.
Kelvin: Wait. For us to be able to imagine, you have to first explain to us in details how you ladies wear this pad self? And if there’s practical sef, it will be better.
Me: Yeah, how? Cuz from Always advert on TV, they normally show ladies jumping and showing their armpits so I assumed it was for under armpit but it seems it’s for somewhere else.
Isaac: Yes can you please elaborate. You need to enlighten us on this sanitary pad stuff. Can you tell us where exactly you put it and how you position it? Does it fall off? Why do ladies even wear it? What happens to it later on?
Juliet: What? Em, I … I ….
Isaac: I think it’s worn like pampers, right?
Victory! We got them running away with their tails, nay pads, at the back of their **** Una ticket don cut today!
Anyways, later that day, a special dinner was prepared. Popsi was coming over for the weekend and momsi felt like preparing a sumptuous meal of fried rice and chicken for his homecoming, though the ladies in the house had contributed to most of the cooking, with momsi supervising while brother Samson had killed the chicken. I was just salivating for the food and finally, it was served. Everybody was sitted around the dining table and after prayer was made by pastor Friyo, we all helpled ourselves with some food. As we started eating, Granny spoke.
Granny: Juliet and Gift. I keep hearing both of you fighting over sanitary pad. Juliet, can’t you share your pad with her for peace to reign? If you want to use, you use it and when she want to use, you give to her to use. I don’t understand you kids of nowadays. So clingy. You people are even lucky. In our time, there was no pad. There was one thick piece of leather cloth that we used to use. I and my sister would take turn in using it. She would wear it whenever she was on her period and I’ll wear it when I was on mine. And we’ll wash and keep it to use the next month. Even our mother used it sometimes.
WTF! Disgusting! What’s this woman getting at? Somebody should please shut her up before she ruin this dinner.
Too late! Her speech made Richie vomit and made Popsi spill drink from his mouth and nostril. The speech made us lose our appetite. Everybody just abandoned their food and left the dinning room.
This was the first time in my life I could confidently say I lost my appetite. I looked at my plate and all I could see was sanitary pad. I wanted to take a spoon of the food and I just felt like it’ll probably taste like soiled pad. I just stood up and left before I vomit.
Only Granny and Gift ended up eating the dinner and that stamped an end to Juliet and Gift’s pad tales.
Until next week.
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