Saturdays are for weddings! Bella is a blogger, she blogs about the weddings she attends. This series “Wedding Fever” unravels some of such weddings but with an unexpected turn of events. It is completely fictional and meant to be a comedy.
Episode Four – Weird MC
Bella just couldn’t miss the wedding ceremony between Favour and David (FaDa). Favour had been a dedicated follower of her blog since its inception, and have sometimes privately chat her up to pour out her emotions after so many heartbreaks. So Bella was happy for her when she informed her she was finally getting married and promised not to miss it.
She had arrived at the reception hall and sat at the bride’s side of the hall, and waited with the already seated guests for the arrival and entrance of the couple and their entourage en route from the church where they’d exchanged their wedding vows.
The MC took to the podium and held the microphone.
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s rise as we usher in the newlyweds and their undertakers as they dance into the hall.
‘Undertakers? For wedding? Is it a burial?’ Bella thought.
But since the guests all stood without giving a second thought to what the MC had said, she decided to shrug it off. Maybe she didn’t hear clearly.
But that was just the tip of the iceberg. The MC couldn’t stop dropping his “dead” lines as e dey hot.
After the couple danced in and sat down, everyone sat down as well and the MC continued.
“We are here to witness the burial ceremony of Favour and David. Sorry I mean birthday ceremony.”
“Na wedding oh.” Somebody called out from the guest.
“Wedding? Na wetin i talk na.”
“No!” everybody echoed.
“Oh sorry, the wedding ceremony of Naomi and Samuel.”
“That’s not their names!” another person said.
“Ehn you say, nor be their name? Oh sorry, the wedding ceremony of Favour and David.”
“There is a spiritual papa in our midst, he’s the person of late pastor J.B Anthony. We invite him to come and bless the union of the newly buried couple.”
The pastor took the microphone.
“I’m not late oh. As you can all see, I’m very much alive.”
Everybody laughed, including the mumu MC.
“…And the couple here are neither buried nor getting buried.”
Then he prayed and gave the mic back to the MC.
“We thank our papa for that wonderful one. And I want to be the first to wish the couple a happy, lasting, fruitful and peaceful married life. May both of you rest in peace and have a blessed memory.”
The man sitting next to Bella nearly choked on his drink.
“We now invite the couple for the cutting of the coffin, sorry I mean cake.”
At the spelling of “BUHARI”, let the newlyweds cut the cake.
Everybody shouted “Ahh!”
“Father lord! Kuku kill me!! Where dem for see this one carry come?” the bride cried out. She couldn’t take it again.
“Them dey worry you? Abi they send you come? If they send you come, go back and tell them you did not see us oh. You cannot come and kill me and my husband on our wedding day oh.”
Bella couldn’t tell if the fact that the MC wanted them to cut the cake at the spelling of Buhari was what finally triggered the bride’s outburst. But she could see that the bride was really furious.
“Before I close my eyes and open them, get out!” She screamed at the top of her voice.
“Make I comot? But the wedding nova finish na.”
“Oh now you are calling it a wedding? Is it not burial anymore?” She asked.
“What?! Burial? God forbid! Why you go talk that kind thing? Why will you call your own marriage burial? It’s not appropriate. May God have mercy on you.”
What he said provoked the bride the more. Na small thing remain, the bride for swallow the man.
“Thunder fire you and your generation! Get out! Get out of my wedding right now!!”
“But what?! Tell me!! But what?!!!”
“But-but what about my balance?”
“Bal-, What balance? Na police go give you your balance after I send you go jail.”
She started hitting and pushing the man while the groom tried to restrain her.
“Get out! Get out!! Get out!!!”
One of the groom’s cousin stepped in to replace the weird MC and the wedding continued smoothly.
Until next week.
Now Hold On a Minute!
Didn’t you like this post? Permit me to remind you of this cliché “I scratch your back, you scratch mine“. I probably made you laugh or taught you something with this post, right? So what will you give me in return? How about, say I don’t know, your email?