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A Bow at a Venture

Bow at a venture

I just feel like writing this entire post in vernacular “pidgin”.

Alright, let’s go.

***

If you be bible person, e get one sweet Bible tori I wan yarn for here today.

So there get two Kings; one na King Ahab, the other one na King Jehoshaphat. King Ahab na be the King of Israel, while King Jehoshaphat come be the King of Judah. King Ahab na very very bad man, while King Jehoshaphat na ehn, urrrh…he na better person sha, God fearing man, nothing do am.

Anyways, King Ahab just wake up early mormor decide say one particular land wey dem dey call Ramoth, wey dey for one corror for Syria wey dem dey call Gilead territory, suppose be Israel own.

Instead of am to dey think of how he go take do better better things for him people like give farmers dem fertilizers, reduce tax, or give free cable, free WIFI or even free chilled pepsi.

But no, na land matter na come him mind. He come decide say he must to fight the Syrians for the land.

I know say this thing dey sound like naija something, based on say we dey like fight for land well well for naija. But I swear say this story dey for Bible. Nor worry, I go drop the passage for the ending of this yarn make you fit confirm am.

So when King Jehoshaphat comot Judah stroll come Israel to greet King Ahab, na him table the matter give am.

But based on say Jehoshaphat na God fearing man, e come get as the whole thing dey do am for body. Na him talk him mind. He say, “My guy, I don hear you. No problem. Me with you na one. My people, even our horses, we dey behind you for this matter. But make we nor to hurry, make we first hear wetin God get to talk for the matter.”

Na so Ahab take summon all the prophets dem wey dey for Israel, dem reach about 400 of dem. Na him ask them, “Make I go colobi Ramoth-gilead abi make I leave am?”

 They say “Ah, oga if na for this matter so, God don already settle am for you. If you go, you go show them pepper, you go finish them yanfu yanfu.”

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But still, Jehoshaphat nor shelle with the answer. Based on who he be, na him still talk him mind. He say, “Guy, na only dem dey?Another person wey still be prophet nor dey?”

The question tire Ahab. He say, “Which one be your own na? You wan put sand sand for my garri? All these ones nor many reach? The person wey remain na anyhow person o, him name na Micaiah, he be Imlah pikin. He nor dey ever see or talk any better thing for my matter. I hate am o.”

Jehoshaphat  come say, “Guy, nor dey talk like that o.”

“Well, as you don insist, make I send for am na.”

Na so he take send one officer make him go bring Micaiah.

***

So as dem dey wait for outside, both Ahab and Jehoshaphat sit down for e throne, na so the prophets dem start to dey talk many many good prophesies to burst their heads.

One wey dem dey call Zedekiah even make iron for the King o, “Oga, as e dey be so ehn, take this iron, you go use am take comot all those yeye Syrians.”

Haba! Bros  you be jazz man?

***

Meanwhile, while that one dey happen for that side, the officer come reach where Micaiah dey stay. He come update am.

He say, “Oga send me to come call you. So arrange yourself make we dey go now now. But make I tell you something, the matter for ground so, all the other prophet dey talk the same thing, say oga go win. So I beg you nor go there go spoil the matter. Just talk wetin the other prophets dey talk.”

Micaiah come talk say, “As long as God dey, na wetin He tell me naim I go talk.”

But when Micaiah reach there and the King ask am, he tell the King same thing wey the other prophets don talk.

But Ahab know say nor be wetin dey him mind. Na he hala for am, “O boy, how many times I don tell you make you nor dey lie give me? Abi you wan swear put?”

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“Okay o, if na the truth you wan hear. Oya see am. If you go, he go bloody for Israel o! Because God don table your matter for heaven say this fight wey you dey find so, na there you go take kaput. One spirit sef for the meeting talk say he go make you wan go fight and he go make all these prophets dem to lie give you say you go make am.”

Na so Ahab turn face Jehoshaphat talk, “Shey I tell you say na so so bad thing na he dey always prophesy for my head?”

Wetin he talk vex everybody o, the thing pain Zedekiah sote he take annoyance whosh Micaiah one hot slap, say him dey insult am.

“Oya make una carry this mumu man comot here. Make them carry am go put for prison, make they drill am till I come back in peace.”

Na Micaiah swear say, “if the King nor kpeme and he come back, then I nor be man of God”.

***

Na so them take go Ramoth-gilead. Both Kings and their warriors. When, they reach there, na Ahab tell Jehoshaphat say he go disguise himself take fight, while Jehoshaphat go still wear him royal clothes.

I nor know whether Jehoshaphat nor complain o, because he be dey sabi talk him mind before. If na me be him, I for para o.

I go say, “Ah bros! Why na? Be like you nor like me o. Abi you dey fear? So upon all the initial gra-gra, you still dey fear wetin Micaiah talk? See am, the only way na make me and you kukuma hide for this disguise o, make we use two of our boys take front.”

Anyways, na so they take enter the fight o.

Whereas for one side, the Syrian King don tell 32 of him top boys say as the fight burst, make dem nor fight anybody o, make them just locate the King of Israel make them knack am down.

So as the fight dey bloody, na those boys see Jehoshaphat o, come think say na him be the target. Na the follow sm up, Jehoshaphat take off. He nor know when he cry, “oghene biko o.” Ah! As they see say nor be Ahab be that o, na they leave am and turn back.

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***

Las las, he come get one man like that wey just dey shoot him arrows anyhow, na one of him arrow knack Ahab o, like stray bullet. (The bible call am “Bow at a venture”).

Na Ahab tell him driver to carry am comot there say he don injure. As the fight bloody, na so Ahab dey for one corner dey bleed anyhow until he die for evening time.

When day don dark, na they shout say make everybody dey go house say the fight don reach. Na so they take see Ahab dead body carry am go burry for Samaria. To the glory of God, Jehoshaphat nor die.

The bible passage where you go take see this story na 1 Kings 22.

***

Writing all that in pidgin felt weird. E nor easy o!

Anyways, there are so many lessons to pick from this lesson. But seeing we are still taken aback by the effects of the Covid-19 pandemic, whether you believe it’s real or not—I know if anybody (especially a stranger) sneezes or coughs near you, you will still be afraid and cautious (just as Ahab still took caution even though he pretended not to believe Micaiah’s prophesy)— there is a bow at a venture and it’s called COVID-19.

Be like King Jehoshaphat; ask before you act. Stay safe, stay indoors, and if you must go out, wear your protective masks and gloves and practice social distancing, and don’t be a victim of the pandemic.

See you on the other side.

Cheers!

Now Hold On a Minute!

Didn’t you like this post? Permit me to remind you of this cliché  “I scratch your back, you scratch mine“. I probably made you laugh or taught you something with this post, right? So what will you give me in return? How about, say I don’t know, your email?


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